The adventures of Ernie

[netmaestro]

The Adventures of Ernie by Network Maestro

Ernie was nervous. He'd been dating Eleanor for a month now and tonight was the first time he'd be having dinner at her parent's house. He worried about the impression he'd make on them. His mother told him, "Don't eat like a pig. You know how hungry you get at dinnertime, you're always famished. Eat a snack before you go over there, that way you'll be able to eat slowly and politely." This is a very good idea, Ernie thought. When the time came, he checked the fridge for something to put in his stomach before leaving. All he could find was a huge pot of beans. He shrugged and thought to himself, "This'll do. I'll just eat a couple of bites." But it was so tasty he couldn't stop himself from polishing off the whole pot..

..The family, complete with honored guest, is seated for the meal. The family dog Fangs, a huge Airedale, takes up a position under the table at Ernie's feet. Things are going smoothly for the first half of the meal. Ernie is picking daintily at his food and Eleanor's mother comments more than once on what a nice and polite boy he is. Then the unthinkable happened. It escaped before Ernie even knew it was coming. ** FART **. A ghastly silence ensued. Ernie was horrified. "Oh no," he thought. "It's all down the tubes now. They'll think I'm a total jerk!" But then... rescue! Eleanor's father leaned back in his chair, stretched out a toe and gave Fangs a boot. "Daw-w-g!!" he said, rolling his eyes. Ernie's heart stopped hammering and he started breathing again. What a close call! If that hadn't been blamed on the dog... he didn't dare consider the alternative. The emergency over, the meal continued. For three more minutes. Then.. ** FART FART ** and a noxious odor permeated the dining room. Eleanor's father leaned back, nudged Fangs and said "Daw-w-g!!" and Ernie closed his eyes and said a silent prayer of thanks for that blessed dog, without whom he would surely be toast. The meal resumed without further comment and five minutes later, ** FART **! Eleanor's father leaned back. "Thank heavens," thought Ernie. "He's blaming the dog again." "DAW-W-G!!" bawled her father. "Will you get out of there before that guy SHITS on you!!"