3's company!

[srod]

Well, they say bad things happen in 3's! Here's the proof.

i) Got nabbed speeding by the Police a couple of weeks ago. Yea, okay my fault. If only' I'd learnt my lesson the first time!

ii) During the 80 mph gales to hit Eastern Britain two weeks ago a rather large chunk of my roof decided it would like to holiday in sunnier climes. The fact that it only managed to get as far as the driveway of a house right across the street from me just rubbed salt into the wound. Couldn't really deny that it belonged to my house when there happened to be a hole in my roof the exact shape and size of the offending article. I'm awaiting the lawsuit which is bound to follow when the poor old dear gets out of hospital! Her own fault for being out in the driveway in that weather I reckon!

iii) Just driving back (literally an hour ago) from tutoring some lad when there was an almighty bang from the underside of my car. Seems that my gearbox decided it wanted to holiday in summer climes... That's going to cost me an arm and a leg that is! The only problem is that I'm not sure if the mechanic will take limbs in lieu of payment though? Although he has threatened to break my legs if I don't pay up!

What next?

Actually, my TV is making a few funny noises...


(btw, just in case there's anyone reading this from the local 'protect our grannies' brigade, the bit about the roof landing on the old woman was a joke! I just needed to lighten the mood a bit!)

Right, I'm off to commit suicide. I can't possibly cock that up!

[Fangbeast]

You have my crooked sense of humour:):)

[Rings]

ex-member of the 'flying circus' ?

[srod]

[netmaestro]

Right, I'm off to commit suicide. I can't possibly cock that up!

In fact most people cock that up. As a teenager I knew a man who had a scar on his underchin and one on his upper cheek. A few years earlier he'd tucked a .22 calibre rifle under his chin and "ended it all," with the only result being a huge hole in his underchin and tongue where the bullet entered, and another on his face when it ricocheted off the cheekbone and exited.

[Derek]

Looking at srods luck he would probably:

1. Try to hang himself by tying a rope to a beam in the roof and end up pulling his roof down.

2. Try to shoot himself, like netmaestro described, and end up ricocheting off a tooth and shooting the old granny across the road.

3. Try gassing himself in the car and the engine would fall out.

[srod]

Actually, I guess making a crack about suicide is in pretty poor taste. Then again, I've never been one for all that political correctness nonsense! Ah bring it on!

@Derek: my luck's about to change, I can feel it - something in the air you know. Perhaps it's my time to win the lottery? (Even though I never buy a ticket!)

Right back to diy (as in destroy it yourself). I've got to paint this house from tip to top and I bloody hate painting and all things diy'ish! Huh, if my luck doesn't change then I'll probably confuse the paint can for my mug of coffee... and then it's off to the hospital for a stomach pump. Mind you my coffee's enough to kill anyone!

[garretthylltun]

I now picture Benny Hill or Monty Python skit taking place after reading
that. Hmmm, let's go with Benny Hill and a chick party!

[srod]

Now Benny Hill was pure unadulterated smut! Disgusting.

I loved Benny Hill!

[netmaestro]

>> Even though I never buy a ticket

Aha!! Someone who can do math!

[srod]

Aye, waste of money. Might just as well dig a hole in the garden and chuck your cash in it.

Right I'm off to the bookies to put £100 on sad Ken; 3000-1. He's bound to win!

[Kaeru Gaman]

also put a fiver against him...

[PB]

>> Even though I never buy a ticket
> Aha!! Someone who can do math!

Don't scoff... they say the lottery is a tax for the stupid, but try telling that to
the lady in a street near to me who won $15 million a few years back, and my
uncle who won $50,000 on a scratch lottery ticket. It does happen.

And this couple just won $7 million for buying a ticket instead of a meat pie:
http://www.nswlotteries.com.au/news/index.html

You can't convince me that it's not worth entering. As for the maths: here in
Australia it only costs about $2 for the lowest-cost entry... yet I spend about
$20 a week on Coca-Cola and other rubbish. It would be more beneficial, both
health-wise and financially, for me to ditch the Coke and buy a lottery ticket
each week instead. You can't argue with that.

[Derek]

I don't do the lottery anymore, I buy premium bonds instead. It does mean that I only get one draw a month instead of the weekly lottery but I never actually loose my money, I can get it back by cashing in the bonds, and the more I buy the more times I get entered each month.

Never won it big though, one day perhaps.

[srod]

I don't like the British lottery model. If we had several £1 million prizes as opposed to the one big 'un then I'd happily throw my lot into the ring, but with odds of 1/14 mil, it's just not worth it. I'd rather spend my money on whiskey, fags and women - and not necessarily in that order! No wait, exactly in that order!

I know people (as I'm sure we all do) who live for the lottery; convinced that they're going to win 'next week'. "Don't worry, when I win the lottery..." God I hate that expression.

"You're not going to win the *ucking lottery, now wise up you stupid twit!"

I swear, the next person who says "When I win the..." in earshot of myself are going need to win the lottery to cover the hospital bills!