Posted: Wed Apr 24, 2002 8:47 pm
Restored from previous forum. Originally posted by Hitman.
Be warned you need a strong stomach for this one:
The first article is very old, I first saw it at least 3 years ago and it's STILL going around today.
Actual article from the LA Times:
"In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake, but I was only trying to retrieve the gerbil," Eric Tomaszewski told bemused doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital. Tomaszewski, and his homosexual partner Andrew "Kiki" Farnum, had been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong. "I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our gerbil, in," he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out 'Armageddon,' my cue that he'd had enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldn't come out again, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him." At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what happened next. "The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame shot out the tubing, igniting Mr. Tomaszewski's hair and severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and whiskers which in turn ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out like a cannonball." Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TOP TEN SCARIEST THINGS ABOUT THIS STORY
10) "I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum..." Ouch!!!
9) "So I peered into the tube..." Aaaaaahhhhhhh!!! I'm sorry, but that's like looking through a telescope into hell... I'd rather use binoculars to stare at the sun.
That poor gerbil (who obviously now suffers from low self-esteem) being shot out of the guy's anus like Rocky the Flying Squirrel on Rocky & Bullwinkle.
7) Suffering a broken nose from a gerbil being launched out of someone's anus. I'm just guessing, but I seriously doubt the said gerbil was springtime fresh after his little journey into Kiki's "tunnel of love."
6) People walking around with these volcanic-like pockets of gas in their rectums.
5) People who do this kind of thing and then admit what they were doing when taken to the emergency room. Sorry, but I think I would have made up a story about a gang of roving, pyromaniac, anal sex fiends breaking into my house and sodomizing me with a charcoal lighter before I admitted the truth. Call me old fashioned, but I just can't imagine looking at a doctor and saying "Well doc, it's like this. See, we have this gerbil named Raggot and we took this cardboard tube..."
4) "First and second degree burns to the anus." Wouldn't this make the burning itch and discomfort of hemmoroids a welcome relief? How does one ever take a healthy **** after something like this? And the smell of burning anus must be in the top five most horrible scents on the face of God's green earth.
3) This happened in Salt Lake City. What kind of people are those Mormons? I'm starting to get a whole new image of the Osmond family.
2) What kind of a hospital would hold a press conference on this?
1) People named "Kiki," which is obviously a Polynesian word for "Idiotic white men who insert rodents up their butts."
Ok and now for the truth:
Brace yourself, toots. What follows is not for the weak of stomach. For starters, an awful lot of stuff has been found where that gerbil was found. The medical journals list, among other things, the following astonishing array:
A bottle of Mrs. Butterworth's syrup, an ax handle, a nine-inch zucchini, countless dildoes and vibrators including one 14-inch model complete with two D-cell batteries, a plastic spatula, a 9-1/2-inch water bottle, a deodorant bottle, a Coke bottle, a large bottle cap, numerous other bottles, a 3-1/2-inch Japanese glass float ball, an 11-inch carrot, an antenna rod, a 150-watt light bulb, a 100-watt frosted bulb, a cucumber, a screwdriver, four rubber balls, 72-1/2 jeweler's saws (all from one patient, but not all at the same time, although 29 were discovered on one occasion), a paperweight, an apple, an onion, a plastic toothbrush package, two bananas, a frozen pig's tail (it got stuck when it thawed), a ten-inch length of broomstick, an 18-inch umbrella handle and central rod, a plantain encased in a condom, two Vaseline jars, a whiskey bottle with a cord attached, a teacup, an oil can, a six-by-five-inch tool box weighing 22 ounces, a six-inch stone weighing two pounds (in the latter two cases the patients died due to intestinal obstruction), a baby powder can, a test tube, a ball-point pen, a peanut butter jar, candles, baseballs, a sand-filled bicycle inner tube, sewing needles, a flashlight, a half-filled tobacco pouch, a turnip, a pair of eyeglasses, a hard-boiled egg, a carborundum grindstone (with handle), a suitcase key, a syringe, a file, tumblers and glasses, a polyethylene waste trap from the U-bend of a sink, and much, much more.
In 1955 one man who was "feeling depressed" reportedly inserted a six-inch paper tube into his rectum, dropped in a lighted firecracker, and blew a hole in his anterior rectal wall. This changed his mood real quick.
"Insertion of foreign bodies into the rectum," as it is formally known, is by no means confined to gays. Many cases are ascribed to autoeroticism on the part of straights. Leaving aside victims of assault or accident, however, practitioners do have one thing in common: they're incredibly stupid.
You don't need to be an Einstein to realize that insertion of objects presents enormous health risks. The rectum can become lacerated, torn, or infected. Long-term effects can include a flaccid sphincter and fecal incontinence.
Which brings us to gerbils. While the examples above are well-documented in the medical literature, live or recently deceased fauna are something else.
Rumors of gerbil (and mouse or hamster) stuffing have been circulating since about 1982. In 1984, a Denver weekly said it had a confirmed report of gerbilectomy in a local emergency room.
The Manhattan publication New York Talk reported several years ago that New York doctors first caught on to stuffing when they started encountering patients with infections previously found only in rodents.
But no such case has ever found its way into the formal literature of medicine. Having investigated the matter in some depth, I am inclined to write the whole thing off as an urban legend.
Your nurse friend stoutly maintains that a patient was treated for a case of ingrown gerbil at her hospital in Chicago. But she concedes she did not read the patient's chart or see any documentary evidence.
A doctor and a nurse at the hospital to whom she appealed for corroboration of her story say they know nothing of any such case, although they had both heard about gerbil stuffing, the nurse from cops in the emergency room, the doctor at a medical meeting.
That's pretty much the story all over. I have checked with numerous sources in both the gay and medical communities, and though everybody has heard about gerbil stuffing, every attempt to track down an actual case has come to naught.
The whole business sounds completely nuts, and implausible to boot. Whatever the case, take my advice and stick to mammals your own size.
Last one...Actual numbers of items removed from people's bottoms:
Object Number Recovered
[Glass or ceramic]
Bottle or jar 32
Bottle with attached rope 1
Glass or cup 12
Light bulb 7
Tube 6
[Food]
Apple 1
Banana 2
Carrot 4
Cucumber 3
Onion 2
Parsnip 1
Plantain (with condom) 1
Potato 1
Salami 1
Turnip 1
Zucchini 2
[Wooden]
Ax handle 1
Stick or broom handle 10
Miscellaneous or unspecified 3
[Sexual Device]
Vibrator 23*
Dildo 15
[Kitchen device]
Dull knife 1
Ice pick 1
Knife sharpener 1
Mortar pestle 2
Spatula (plastic) 1
Spoon 1
Tin cup 1
[Miscellaneous tools]
Candle 1
Curling Iron 1
Flashlight 3
Iron rod 1
Pen 2
Rubber tube 1
Screwdriver 1
Toothbrush 1
Wire spring 1
[Inflated device]
Balloon 1
Balloon attached to cylinder 1
Condom 1
Ball
Baseball 2
Tennis ball 1
Pool cue ball 1
[Miscellaneous containers]
Baby powder can 1
Candle box 1
Shampoo Bottle 1
Snuff box 1
Miscellaneous
Bottle cap ** 1
Cattle horn 3
Chain (gold) 1
Frozen pig's tail 1
"Kangaroo tumor" # 1
Hair Mousse Cap 1
Plastic rod 1
Stone 2
Toothbrush holder 1
Toothbrush package 1
Whip handle 2*
[Collections (one case of each)]
2 Glass tubes
72 1/2 Jeweler's saw
Oil can with potato stopper
Piece of wood, peanut
Umbrella handle and enema tubing
2 Glasses
Phosphorus match ends (homicide)
402 Stones
Toolbox ##
2 Bars soap
Beer glass and preserving pot
Lemon and cold cream jar
2 Apples
What are people doing out there?
Edited by - Hitman on 24 April 2002 21:50:35
A post I saw from Blitz community, may give you a smile (or rotfl)
Happy compiling :O
Be warned you need a strong stomach for this one:
The first article is very old, I first saw it at least 3 years ago and it's STILL going around today.
Actual article from the LA Times:
"In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake, but I was only trying to retrieve the gerbil," Eric Tomaszewski told bemused doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital. Tomaszewski, and his homosexual partner Andrew "Kiki" Farnum, had been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong. "I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our gerbil, in," he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out 'Armageddon,' my cue that he'd had enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldn't come out again, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him." At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what happened next. "The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame shot out the tubing, igniting Mr. Tomaszewski's hair and severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and whiskers which in turn ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out like a cannonball." Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TOP TEN SCARIEST THINGS ABOUT THIS STORY
10) "I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum..." Ouch!!!
9) "So I peered into the tube..." Aaaaaahhhhhhh!!! I'm sorry, but that's like looking through a telescope into hell... I'd rather use binoculars to stare at the sun.
That poor gerbil (who obviously now suffers from low self-esteem) being shot out of the guy's anus like Rocky the Flying Squirrel on Rocky & Bullwinkle. 7) Suffering a broken nose from a gerbil being launched out of someone's anus. I'm just guessing, but I seriously doubt the said gerbil was springtime fresh after his little journey into Kiki's "tunnel of love."
6) People walking around with these volcanic-like pockets of gas in their rectums.
5) People who do this kind of thing and then admit what they were doing when taken to the emergency room. Sorry, but I think I would have made up a story about a gang of roving, pyromaniac, anal sex fiends breaking into my house and sodomizing me with a charcoal lighter before I admitted the truth. Call me old fashioned, but I just can't imagine looking at a doctor and saying "Well doc, it's like this. See, we have this gerbil named Raggot and we took this cardboard tube..."
4) "First and second degree burns to the anus." Wouldn't this make the burning itch and discomfort of hemmoroids a welcome relief? How does one ever take a healthy **** after something like this? And the smell of burning anus must be in the top five most horrible scents on the face of God's green earth.
3) This happened in Salt Lake City. What kind of people are those Mormons? I'm starting to get a whole new image of the Osmond family.
2) What kind of a hospital would hold a press conference on this?
1) People named "Kiki," which is obviously a Polynesian word for "Idiotic white men who insert rodents up their butts."
Ok and now for the truth:
Brace yourself, toots. What follows is not for the weak of stomach. For starters, an awful lot of stuff has been found where that gerbil was found. The medical journals list, among other things, the following astonishing array:
A bottle of Mrs. Butterworth's syrup, an ax handle, a nine-inch zucchini, countless dildoes and vibrators including one 14-inch model complete with two D-cell batteries, a plastic spatula, a 9-1/2-inch water bottle, a deodorant bottle, a Coke bottle, a large bottle cap, numerous other bottles, a 3-1/2-inch Japanese glass float ball, an 11-inch carrot, an antenna rod, a 150-watt light bulb, a 100-watt frosted bulb, a cucumber, a screwdriver, four rubber balls, 72-1/2 jeweler's saws (all from one patient, but not all at the same time, although 29 were discovered on one occasion), a paperweight, an apple, an onion, a plastic toothbrush package, two bananas, a frozen pig's tail (it got stuck when it thawed), a ten-inch length of broomstick, an 18-inch umbrella handle and central rod, a plantain encased in a condom, two Vaseline jars, a whiskey bottle with a cord attached, a teacup, an oil can, a six-by-five-inch tool box weighing 22 ounces, a six-inch stone weighing two pounds (in the latter two cases the patients died due to intestinal obstruction), a baby powder can, a test tube, a ball-point pen, a peanut butter jar, candles, baseballs, a sand-filled bicycle inner tube, sewing needles, a flashlight, a half-filled tobacco pouch, a turnip, a pair of eyeglasses, a hard-boiled egg, a carborundum grindstone (with handle), a suitcase key, a syringe, a file, tumblers and glasses, a polyethylene waste trap from the U-bend of a sink, and much, much more.
In 1955 one man who was "feeling depressed" reportedly inserted a six-inch paper tube into his rectum, dropped in a lighted firecracker, and blew a hole in his anterior rectal wall. This changed his mood real quick.
"Insertion of foreign bodies into the rectum," as it is formally known, is by no means confined to gays. Many cases are ascribed to autoeroticism on the part of straights. Leaving aside victims of assault or accident, however, practitioners do have one thing in common: they're incredibly stupid.
You don't need to be an Einstein to realize that insertion of objects presents enormous health risks. The rectum can become lacerated, torn, or infected. Long-term effects can include a flaccid sphincter and fecal incontinence.
Which brings us to gerbils. While the examples above are well-documented in the medical literature, live or recently deceased fauna are something else.
Rumors of gerbil (and mouse or hamster) stuffing have been circulating since about 1982. In 1984, a Denver weekly said it had a confirmed report of gerbilectomy in a local emergency room.
The Manhattan publication New York Talk reported several years ago that New York doctors first caught on to stuffing when they started encountering patients with infections previously found only in rodents.
But no such case has ever found its way into the formal literature of medicine. Having investigated the matter in some depth, I am inclined to write the whole thing off as an urban legend.
Your nurse friend stoutly maintains that a patient was treated for a case of ingrown gerbil at her hospital in Chicago. But she concedes she did not read the patient's chart or see any documentary evidence.
A doctor and a nurse at the hospital to whom she appealed for corroboration of her story say they know nothing of any such case, although they had both heard about gerbil stuffing, the nurse from cops in the emergency room, the doctor at a medical meeting.
That's pretty much the story all over. I have checked with numerous sources in both the gay and medical communities, and though everybody has heard about gerbil stuffing, every attempt to track down an actual case has come to naught.
The whole business sounds completely nuts, and implausible to boot. Whatever the case, take my advice and stick to mammals your own size.
Last one...Actual numbers of items removed from people's bottoms:
Object Number Recovered
[Glass or ceramic]
Bottle or jar 32
Bottle with attached rope 1
Glass or cup 12
Light bulb 7
Tube 6
[Food]
Apple 1
Banana 2
Carrot 4
Cucumber 3
Onion 2
Parsnip 1
Plantain (with condom) 1
Potato 1
Salami 1
Turnip 1
Zucchini 2
[Wooden]
Ax handle 1
Stick or broom handle 10
Miscellaneous or unspecified 3
[Sexual Device]
Vibrator 23*
Dildo 15
[Kitchen device]
Dull knife 1
Ice pick 1
Knife sharpener 1
Mortar pestle 2
Spatula (plastic) 1
Spoon 1
Tin cup 1
[Miscellaneous tools]
Candle 1
Curling Iron 1
Flashlight 3
Iron rod 1
Pen 2
Rubber tube 1
Screwdriver 1
Toothbrush 1
Wire spring 1
[Inflated device]
Balloon 1
Balloon attached to cylinder 1
Condom 1
Ball
Baseball 2
Tennis ball 1
Pool cue ball 1
[Miscellaneous containers]
Baby powder can 1
Candle box 1
Shampoo Bottle 1
Snuff box 1
Miscellaneous
Bottle cap ** 1
Cattle horn 3
Chain (gold) 1
Frozen pig's tail 1
"Kangaroo tumor" # 1
Hair Mousse Cap 1
Plastic rod 1
Stone 2
Toothbrush holder 1
Toothbrush package 1
Whip handle 2*
[Collections (one case of each)]
2 Glass tubes
72 1/2 Jeweler's saw
Oil can with potato stopper
Piece of wood, peanut
Umbrella handle and enema tubing
2 Glasses
Phosphorus match ends (homicide)
402 Stones
Toolbox ##
2 Bars soap
Beer glass and preserving pot
Lemon and cold cream jar
2 Apples
What are people doing out there?
Edited by - Hitman on 24 April 2002 21:50:35
. But maybe the correct name should be 'Off forum'