PureBasic Forums - English

Facts:

ADULT:
A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the
middle
BEAUTY PARLOR:
A place where women curl up and dye.
CANNIBAL:
Someone who is fed up with people.
CHICKENS:
The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
COMMITTEE:
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
DUST:
Mud with the juice squeezed out
EGOTIST:
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
GOSSIP:
A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.
HANDKERCHIEF:
Cold Storage.
INFLATION:
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
MOSQUITO:
An insect that makes you like flies better
RAISIN:
Grape with a sunburn.
SECRET:
Something you tell to one person at a time.
SKELETON:
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.
TOOTHACHE:
The pain that drives you to extraction.
TOMORROW:
One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.
YAWN:
An honest opinion openly expressed.
WRINKLES:
Something other people have. You have character lines.


--


Ever Wonder...:
Why the sun lightens our hair, but
darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline
"Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do
"practice"?

Why is it that to stop Windows, you
have to click on "Start"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial
flavor, and dishwashing liquid made
with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest
traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

When dog food is new and improved
tasting, who tests it?

Why didn't Noah swat those two
mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for
lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box
that is used on airplanes? Why don't
they make the whole plane out of that
stuff?!

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when
they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is
Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call
the airport the terminal?

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome
things that money can buy."
* Tom Clancy

"You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither."
* Steve Martin

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner,
you'd better have a good hand."
* Woody Allen

"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday
night."
* Rodney Dangerfield

"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual
arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz
500SL."
* Lynn Lavner

"Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the
taxidermist."
* Matt Barry

"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
* Camille Paglia

"Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are
unimportant."
* George Burns

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole
relationships."
* Sharon Stone

"My girlfriend always laughs during sex - no matter what she's
reading."
* Steve Jobs

"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with "Guess" on it; so I said
"Thyroid problem?'"
* Arnold Schwarzenegger

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
* Jack Nicholson

"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives,
but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is,"
* Barbara Bush

"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's
genitals through his wallet."
* Robin Williams

"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the
only time of the month that I can be myself."
* Roseanne

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
* Billy Crystal

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable
undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other
women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men
are just grateful."
* Robert De Niro

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are
having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe
swelling. So what's the problem?"
* Dustin Hoffman

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, 'I
know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked.'"
* Jerry Seinfeld

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't
like and just give her a house."
* Rod Stewart

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only
enough blood to run one at a time.
* Robin Williams

Excellent stuff, just the early morning pick me up I needed!

Good one guys.
Nice reading as I'm sitting here alone with my cig and coffee, my son is home sick with chickenpox.

Nice one's. Will keep me laughing on the way to work.

> Why is it that to stop Windows, you have to click on "Start"?

No longer applicable thanks to Vista. This old joke is finally dead!

> Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

Last-minute stay of execution, which is not uncommon.

PB wrote:> Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

Last-minute stay of execution, which is not uncommon.

Isn't it a bit late after the needle has gone in?

PB, stop it, you're ruining the fun for me

> Isn't it a bit late after the needle has gone in?

From Wikipedia regarding why the needle is sterilized:

The arm of the subject is swabbed with alcohol before the cannula is inserted. The needles and equipment used are also sterilized. One reason for this is that cannulae are standard medical products that are sterilized during manufacture. Secondly, there is a chance that the prisoner could receive a stay of execution after the cannulae have been inserted, as happened in the case of James Autry in October 1983 (he was executed eventually on March 14, 1984). Finally, it would also be a hazard for those handling unsterile equipment.