PureBasic Forums - English

Well, i have lot on my mind at the moment, i dont want sympathy, but any advice would be nice.

So here goes, my step dad left me my mum and my step sister 3 days before xmas, my mum cant work because she has kidney issues which wont go untill june/july time. My stepdad was the breadwinner of the family, brought in the money, but has left and refuses to pay any bills. My mum is left with over 1000 pounds a month of bills, and zero income. Our family will not help at all, he broke our car before he left, so we have no car, no money to repair it, we could claim benefits for now, but we dont have enough time, it would take a month or so, and we need money now. On top of this my mum is coping with the loss of my stepdad, whilst my stepsister is coping with the loss of her dad, which my mum is having to cope with as well, my mum is too ill to to the housework, we can do it, but when we do she feels bad because she should be looknig after us, not the otherway around. The landlord is asknig for rent, and we havnt the money to pay it, we can only just pay gas, water, electric for a week, the internet cant be payed, nor phone, nor food after that, or goas electricity ect.

The other day i found out my mum is clinicly depressed, making things worse, my stepdad wasnt exactly nice whilst he lived here, and we have alot of trouble with him, but this is alot worse. To top it off my mum has an operation soon, and with no family help we cant get there, and she needs the operation on her kidney, but she doesnt want it as it is, becuase it will make things harder.

I am 16, i am old enough to work full time here, but the problem is that means sacrificing my education, which i wont be able to afford soon, because it will cost. Even if i did work now, it would be too late, the pay in arrears would not be in time.

If we cant afford to live here soon i can always move into my dads, but if i did, what would happen to my sister mum, ect? Im left with the dilema of what should i do, or more to the point, what CAN i do??

Oh, poor boy.


I don't really know what advice I can give you. Maybe some quotes?

Don't let schooling interfere with your education.
-Mark Twain

Hmm I don't remember any more that could relate to your problems. How about your real dad?

I admire your resolve, Hydrate and I think you may have to get a job. Is it possible for you to work and finish school at the same time? I assume you mean high school, right? If not, you may have to look into a high school equivalency exam or studying at night if possible.

A good education is very important but it won't be the end of you if you can't get a college degree immediately. Do try to get a HS degree or equivalent if you can - at the earliest chance. You'll be in trouble later on without at least that.

Having said that, I'm 27 and only now taking night classes to get a degree. I've done pretty good without a degree because I've been lucky and I've taught myself quite a bit (90% of my programming skills that got me my jobs were self taught skills). It's impossible to completely know your situation but it's not impossible to make it with strong determination.

I wish you luck and I'm very sorry to hear about your troubles, especially at this time of the year.

Oh, and Trond, that little graphic is not cool. Laughing at other peoples miseries is sadistic. I'll return a little quote back to you.

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.
Abraham Lincoln - 16th president of US (1809 - 1865)

Keep your chin up. It's a difficult time for you, but everybody faces the wolf sometime in their lives. I'm not up on the social programs available in your country, but at the very least you should be eligible for basic assistance or disability of some kind. And you should be able to get some law after your stepfather to force him to live up to his obligations. Above all keep a positive attitude and sense of humour, this will pass and you'll be the stronger for it. Good luck!

@trond: Nobody is going to find that funny except you.

take a job, get life stable, you can always return later to school, yes, that's a drag, but it's the best option you got

just never give up, you can make it

> we could claim benefits for now, but we dont have enough time, it would
> take a month or so, and we need money now

Here in Australia, the benefits are backdated to the day you applied for
them... so even if it takes a month to get benefits, you get a month's
worth for the initial payment. Also, you can claim a hardship advance
here... so maybe these two things also apply where you are? I don't
know, but look into it... because if the landlord knows he'll get the money
in a month or whatever, he may be patient enough to wait. Also, why
can't he take the rent from your bond (security deposit)? That's what it's
there for...

> the internet cant be payed

Not a priority. Cancel it. If you're under contract, break it. I've done
this in the past by purposely abusing the ISP's Terms of Service, so they
cancel the contract and I'm therefore not liable for any cancellation fees
on my part. Life's all about "playing the game".

> Even if i did work now, it would be too late, the pay in arrears would not be in time

(1) Borrow money from friends and family, but from those who understand
that you'll pay them back "when you can" -- in other words, don't borrow
from those that will want it back within a month or two.

(2) Do some work and ignore schooling for now. Life is about surviving,
and school is not a priority right now. (Edit: This comment is based on the
assumption that the work will prevent you from school. Obviously if you
can do both, then do so, but if it comes to either school or work, then it's
obvious that work will need to be the priority).

(3) Call everyone that you owe money too, and ask for extensions to pay,
and explain your situation to them. It can and usually does help. People
don't like to be kept in the dark as they think the money will never come.

That's all I can suggest for now, except maybe sell some things you don't
honestly need? When I was in the dumps (years ago) I sold vinyl records,
appliances (like my stereo and speakers), etc. The aim is to survive, no
matter what the cost. It sucks, but has to be done. Good luck with it!

(Oh, and ignore any poor-taste jokes).

Hydrate wrote: My stepdad was the breadwinner of the family, brought in the money, but has left and refuses to pay any bills.

Is there, or can there be, any obligation for him to pay bills?

Hydrate wrote: I am 16, i am old enough to work full time here, but the problem is that means sacrificing my education, which i wont be able to afford soon, because it will cost. Even if i did work now, it would be too late, the pay in arrears would not be in time.

If we cant afford to live here soon i can always move into my dads, but if i did, what would happen to my sister mum, ect? Im left with the dilema of what should i do, or more to the point, what CAN i do??

What country are you in, and what are your options? You are old enough to work - but are there jobs available? Is it possible to get a job AND continue your education?

If you live with your Dad (I assume this is not your step-dad), will he "help-out"? If you live with him and work, can you send more money to your mum?

It is imperative that you continue with your education, but right now you need to find a way to survive. You need to investigate every avenue of getting help for your family.

If you were in the US I would suggest some sort of public assistance for your family, while you work and attend some sort of evening college or school - or if you can swing it, go to school and work nights and weekends.

Give us a little more information about what might be possible and maybe we can help more.

cheers and good luck.

Hydrate,

What country do you live in?

You mention pounds, are you living in the UK? If so, then you have a good safety net, use it. Take yourself to a citizens advice bereau.

http://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/winnn6/

The key thing is, this is not your problem. You are 16, and you have your own life ahead of you. There may be a time to be selfish.

Do you have other relatives? Grandparents? Aunts? Uncles? Speak to them.

You need to find somebody you can trust, and speak to them. A bunch of anonymous programmers aren't up to the task.

PB wrote:(Oh, and ignore people like Trond. Some people just never have bad luck).

I was given a brain to sparse to even think of the possibility that people could find it sadistic. I was hoping that even a bad joke would at least make him a bit happier. I would gladly remove all doubt that I was stupid if it could help Hydrate in any way. However now it seems I both revealed my stupidity and did matters worse - not my intention. If you don't immediately get the visual pun I assure you that you'll never get it.

I was not sadistic enough (and also was born stupid) to see the sadistic side of the picture and that causes people to assume I'm sadistic, now that's what you call good luck.

I also assure you that in any way you don't know anything about my luck. Really. You don't know. You don't know. Really. I assure you. You were just as stupid as me, you didn't realize that you don't know people well enough to decide whether or not to say what you did before you said it. Hopefully you will. I'm tempted to say I hate you for that utterance, however I won't because I really don't more than I feel sad.

I know a bunch of anonymouse programmers arnt up to the task, however they have helped me with ideas to cancel contracts with the bills. I now know i can breach terms and conditions to force an end. And programmers are likely the best help, they are problem solvers, which is what i need right now, and yes, im in the UK.

> I'm tempted to say I hate you for that utterance

I don't know if you missed it, but aside from myself, both Xombie and
netmaestro also took offence at your graphic, Trond, and made similar
comments about it. So I don't know why you're attacking me alone.

> If you don't immediately get the visual pun I assure you that you'll never get it

I got the visual pun. But it was not warranted, and totally unacceptable.
It's never good to laugh or make light of another person's misfortune.
Glad to see that you removed it, though.

> I also assure you that in any way you don't know anything about my luck

True -- but when you make light of someone else's bad luck, you leave
yourself open to (misguided?) interpretation of your actions. I'll amend
my comment accordingly.

you didn't get it.

> i can breach terms and conditions to force an end

Just double-check that there are no financial penalties for breaching... there
weren't on my contracts, which is why I was able to get out of them that way.

@Trond: Okay.